So stalking is illegal in all 50 states. Well, some of the people I know are not aware of that law apparently because I am stalked all the time.
First let's get on my ex husband...total stalker. This dude calls me and tells me he wants to get back together. Of course he only wants to get back together because I am living with and engaged to someone else. And as soon as I remind him that I am with someone else, then he starts calling my daughter, telling her he wants to take her to a movie or out to dinner or bring her some money. And she gets all excited, thinking her dad is going to come and spend time with her and of course he never shows. So I call him to curse him out about lying to her and you know what this fool says? You wanna hook up tonight? Are you freaking serious, you retard? Needless to say, I told my daughter that sometimes dad's are just a-holes that don't keep their word but it is entirely up to her to decide whether or not she chooses to keep dealing with him or not. Of course he still shows up every blue moon begging for me to get back with him again, until my boyfriend goes outside and then he runs like the chicken he is. Hot mess...
Then there is my homegirl's on-again, off-again man that only stalks me when he is on-again with her. This man is totally crazy. When they are together, I get 10-20 phone calls a day of him saying the most vulgar stuff. So I change my number. What does he do then? Shows up at my house. And that is when I call the police. (Now let me add that when my man is here, he backs way off, but unfortunately my man is on the road till Christmas so I am dealing with him all by myself these days.) But this stalker is so crazy that when I call the police, he laughs. Of course he gets ghost when they show up but it doesn't stop him one little bit. He then starts sending texts while the police are sitting right here. I think the one that I got last night said something to the effect of, "You stupid white slut b****". Now what kind of drugs is he on because both of my parents are black which I believe makes me black, too. Why is he stalking little old me, you might ask? All because he said that he wanted to sleep with me while my man was gone and I said no. I ended up having to stop being friends with the girlfriend because he is out of control. Hot mess...
How about my man's best friend's uncle? This dude is a total hot mess stalker. Never met me or seen me, but has the nerve to be stalking me. He stole my number from his niece's phone and saw my pic on facebook and there you go. First he started off saying that he wanted to help me and my man while he was gone. So my response was, "His half of the bills are $900. I can take that in cash, money order, or cashier's check." Then this fool tells me he has no job. So how in the world do you expect to help me? He claims he wants to help me by "keeping D's (my man) side of the bed warm". Are you serious? No effing thank you. So I tell him I don't cheat and he says, "I don't kiss and tell". News flash fool, you won't have anything to tell on me because you ain't kissing me at all. Then here come the pictures to my phone. Apparently this man has been in some type of fire or accident because he appears to be burned and has one ear. (No I am not being funny...I am dead serious.) Of course, everyone needs love but come on now. Don't send me pictures of yourself after I told you I am in a relationship, especially if you look like that. Then he asks me if I think he looks good. Why are you going to make me lie to you? That's not even a nice thing to do. But of course I have to be kind so I say, "You aren't bad." BIG MISTAKE. Here come 10 calls a day with demands that I come see him and give him some. It got so bad that I told him to leave me the heck alone and stop demanding things from me because I have a daddy and a man and he is neither one. He then cursed me out. So I am thinking it is finally over and he can leave me alone. Nope. Still getting those calls every day. I will be so glad when my man gets home so I can change my number.
Because of all of these stalkers, I just sit in my house with my door shut and locked, constantly hitting ignore on my phone with 911 on speed dial.
Until I have time to discuss some more hot mess, I bid you farewell...
Friday, October 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
My Hot Mess Neighbors
I moved into this house that I live in about 2 years ago. I really thought it was a great neighborhood. But I have learned that the ghetto is not about the area that you live in or the ethnicity of the people that live there. It is the behavior and attitude of the people that live there that makes it ghetto. Whites, Blacks, Hispanics...they are all capable of being ghetto. And these folks around here are straight up ghetto I tell you.
For instance, the man on the corner...this fool walks around the neighborhood peeking through everybody's fence to see how high their grass is so that he can call the city and report them. Then he parks his booty on the front porch to watch the city officials write tickets. Well you know the saying "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"? This certainly applies to him because every time the city comes to write everyone else a ticket, he gets one too. His fence is raggedy and his grass looks like a dead body could be hiding in it. So why call the city if your yard is not up to par? And he's a hoarder. He probably hasn't seen the floor of his garage since he moved in. It is so crowded in there, he can't walk through it. His backyard is the same way. There is a beat up old dining room table back there. I can't understand why he won't throw it in the trash. But there it sits with not a single chair pushed under it, in the back yard, next to a swing set and red bicycle with no seat. It's a total hot mess.
And every time I see him he has on this t-shirt that I know once upon a time was white. But apparently he has a predjudice against bleach, because this thing is so dingy that I always think he has no shirt on at all because it is the exact same color as his skin. And then I get a little closer and see a collar or the pocket. And I get totally grossed out. I'm almost tempted to throw a bucket of water with soap powder and bleach mixed in at him because I know he doesn't wash it as often as he should.
Then there is Ms. Thang next door. Wanna talk about clinically insane? This woman is straight up certifiable! First of all, she is totally nosey. If I have someone come over, she knows all about it. Most of the time before I do. She can give you a perfect description of the person and the vehicle they drive. When I seperated from my husband, she knew he had moved out before we even told anyone we were seperating. The next day she comes over and says, "I see Ricky moved out. I saw him putting a bag and a computer in the car." He moved out at 10pm. Now someone tell me why she knows what he put in his car at 10pm on a Tuesday night. Once the electricity company made an error and disconnected my electricity. (Now I know what ya'll are thinking. But for real...I paid my bill. They tied my service in with my ex sister in law's old apartment and tried to say I owed over $1000. I got that corrected really quickly...) So the Oncor man comes and cuts the electricity off. By the time I made it from my bedroom to the front yard to see what was going on with the lights, she was outside with a piece of paper in her hand that had numbers to some charities that will pay your light bill if you need assistance. And she was standing next to the Oncor man so when I went to ask him what was the problem, she was saying, "Starla, let me help you." I don't need your freaking help lady! At least know what the deal is before you put your nose all up in my business. On second thought, let me find out what the deal is before you put your nose all up in my business!
And she is forever begging. 5 times a day, everyday, there is a knock at the door. And when we open it, there she is, begging. "Starla, do you have any sugar? Starla, do you have any foil? Do you have a cigarette? Do you have any dish soap? Do you have any trash bags? Any eggs? Any milk?" I tell you what...let me give you an inventory of what is in my house so you can come do your shopping right over here. Let me spend my money on things, so that if maybe, just maybe, there is a chance you may possibly need something, it is readily available for you.
And this woman should be dead considering all of the diseases she claims to have. Every time you talk to her she has a new disease. And I am certain she is looking in a medical dictionary to diagnose herself, because they are in alphabetical order. Every month, she moves on to the next letter in the alphabet. So in May she has an eating disorder, eczema, emphysema, and epilepsy, and in June she has Fahr's disease and fibromyalgia. It's totally ridiculous and we absolutely have a blast in our house googling "diseases that start with the letter" such and such just to see if we can guess which disease she will self diagnose herself with next.
And she is nasty. She has 3 dogs in her house and they all sleep in her bed and eat with her. And when I say eat with her, I mean she takes a bite and then all of the dogs take a bite and then she bites it again. She lets them lick all in her mouth and kisses them all inside of their mouths. I mean everyone needs love, but you really don't have to make out with your animals. Isn't that illegal in most states?
So why not curse her out, you ask. Been there and done that. I have called this woman every name in the book and told her all about herself. And you know what she does? She tells me that I crack her up and comes right back over the next day. I have tried not answering the door and that had her peeking in my window to which I called the police and she told me I was wrong for that. I was wrong for reporting a peeping Tom...or in her case a peeking Tabitha. And she then told me she wouldn't have been peeking had I just opened my door when she knocked. WTF? Seriously?
The sad thing is that was just two of my neighbors. I haven't even mentioned Mr. Cockeyed neighbor that hits on me all day and night. Half the time I don't know if he is talking to me or someone across the street because he has an eye going in each direction. Nor have I mentioned Mr. Baby-making Pothead, who lives on the corner across from Mr. Dirty Shirt Hoarder who has 5 kids and chain smokes marijuana like he lives in California. I didn't even get to Mr. Pedophile Preacher Man, that lives on the other side of Ms. Thang next door who claims he is a preacher but tells my 9 year old daughter to call him "uncle". (Yes I have told her many times to stay away from him because he seems like a pedophile to me.) He opens his front door and all you see is a gang of roaches running out of his house like it is even too nasty for them to stay there. These neighbors are a hot mess i tell you and I do everything in my power to sit in my house and not bring any attention to myself for fear that I may have to deal with one of them.
Until I have time to discuss some more hot mess, I bid you farewell...
For instance, the man on the corner...this fool walks around the neighborhood peeking through everybody's fence to see how high their grass is so that he can call the city and report them. Then he parks his booty on the front porch to watch the city officials write tickets. Well you know the saying "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"? This certainly applies to him because every time the city comes to write everyone else a ticket, he gets one too. His fence is raggedy and his grass looks like a dead body could be hiding in it. So why call the city if your yard is not up to par? And he's a hoarder. He probably hasn't seen the floor of his garage since he moved in. It is so crowded in there, he can't walk through it. His backyard is the same way. There is a beat up old dining room table back there. I can't understand why he won't throw it in the trash. But there it sits with not a single chair pushed under it, in the back yard, next to a swing set and red bicycle with no seat. It's a total hot mess.
And every time I see him he has on this t-shirt that I know once upon a time was white. But apparently he has a predjudice against bleach, because this thing is so dingy that I always think he has no shirt on at all because it is the exact same color as his skin. And then I get a little closer and see a collar or the pocket. And I get totally grossed out. I'm almost tempted to throw a bucket of water with soap powder and bleach mixed in at him because I know he doesn't wash it as often as he should.
Then there is Ms. Thang next door. Wanna talk about clinically insane? This woman is straight up certifiable! First of all, she is totally nosey. If I have someone come over, she knows all about it. Most of the time before I do. She can give you a perfect description of the person and the vehicle they drive. When I seperated from my husband, she knew he had moved out before we even told anyone we were seperating. The next day she comes over and says, "I see Ricky moved out. I saw him putting a bag and a computer in the car." He moved out at 10pm. Now someone tell me why she knows what he put in his car at 10pm on a Tuesday night. Once the electricity company made an error and disconnected my electricity. (Now I know what ya'll are thinking. But for real...I paid my bill. They tied my service in with my ex sister in law's old apartment and tried to say I owed over $1000. I got that corrected really quickly...) So the Oncor man comes and cuts the electricity off. By the time I made it from my bedroom to the front yard to see what was going on with the lights, she was outside with a piece of paper in her hand that had numbers to some charities that will pay your light bill if you need assistance. And she was standing next to the Oncor man so when I went to ask him what was the problem, she was saying, "Starla, let me help you." I don't need your freaking help lady! At least know what the deal is before you put your nose all up in my business. On second thought, let me find out what the deal is before you put your nose all up in my business!
And she is forever begging. 5 times a day, everyday, there is a knock at the door. And when we open it, there she is, begging. "Starla, do you have any sugar? Starla, do you have any foil? Do you have a cigarette? Do you have any dish soap? Do you have any trash bags? Any eggs? Any milk?" I tell you what...let me give you an inventory of what is in my house so you can come do your shopping right over here. Let me spend my money on things, so that if maybe, just maybe, there is a chance you may possibly need something, it is readily available for you.
And this woman should be dead considering all of the diseases she claims to have. Every time you talk to her she has a new disease. And I am certain she is looking in a medical dictionary to diagnose herself, because they are in alphabetical order. Every month, she moves on to the next letter in the alphabet. So in May she has an eating disorder, eczema, emphysema, and epilepsy, and in June she has Fahr's disease and fibromyalgia. It's totally ridiculous and we absolutely have a blast in our house googling "diseases that start with the letter" such and such just to see if we can guess which disease she will self diagnose herself with next.
And she is nasty. She has 3 dogs in her house and they all sleep in her bed and eat with her. And when I say eat with her, I mean she takes a bite and then all of the dogs take a bite and then she bites it again. She lets them lick all in her mouth and kisses them all inside of their mouths. I mean everyone needs love, but you really don't have to make out with your animals. Isn't that illegal in most states?
So why not curse her out, you ask. Been there and done that. I have called this woman every name in the book and told her all about herself. And you know what she does? She tells me that I crack her up and comes right back over the next day. I have tried not answering the door and that had her peeking in my window to which I called the police and she told me I was wrong for that. I was wrong for reporting a peeping Tom...or in her case a peeking Tabitha. And she then told me she wouldn't have been peeking had I just opened my door when she knocked. WTF? Seriously?
The sad thing is that was just two of my neighbors. I haven't even mentioned Mr. Cockeyed neighbor that hits on me all day and night. Half the time I don't know if he is talking to me or someone across the street because he has an eye going in each direction. Nor have I mentioned Mr. Baby-making Pothead, who lives on the corner across from Mr. Dirty Shirt Hoarder who has 5 kids and chain smokes marijuana like he lives in California. I didn't even get to Mr. Pedophile Preacher Man, that lives on the other side of Ms. Thang next door who claims he is a preacher but tells my 9 year old daughter to call him "uncle". (Yes I have told her many times to stay away from him because he seems like a pedophile to me.) He opens his front door and all you see is a gang of roaches running out of his house like it is even too nasty for them to stay there. These neighbors are a hot mess i tell you and I do everything in my power to sit in my house and not bring any attention to myself for fear that I may have to deal with one of them.
Until I have time to discuss some more hot mess, I bid you farewell...
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