I moved into this house that I live in about 2 years ago. I really thought it was a great neighborhood. But I have learned that the ghetto is not about the area that you live in or the ethnicity of the people that live there. It is the behavior and attitude of the people that live there that makes it ghetto. Whites, Blacks, Hispanics...they are all capable of being ghetto. And these folks around here are straight up ghetto I tell you.
For instance, the man on the corner...this fool walks around the neighborhood peeking through everybody's fence to see how high their grass is so that he can call the city and report them. Then he parks his booty on the front porch to watch the city officials write tickets. Well you know the saying "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"? This certainly applies to him because every time the city comes to write everyone else a ticket, he gets one too. His fence is raggedy and his grass looks like a dead body could be hiding in it. So why call the city if your yard is not up to par? And he's a hoarder. He probably hasn't seen the floor of his garage since he moved in. It is so crowded in there, he can't walk through it. His backyard is the same way. There is a beat up old dining room table back there. I can't understand why he won't throw it in the trash. But there it sits with not a single chair pushed under it, in the back yard, next to a swing set and red bicycle with no seat. It's a total hot mess.
And every time I see him he has on this t-shirt that I know once upon a time was white. But apparently he has a predjudice against bleach, because this thing is so dingy that I always think he has no shirt on at all because it is the exact same color as his skin. And then I get a little closer and see a collar or the pocket. And I get totally grossed out. I'm almost tempted to throw a bucket of water with soap powder and bleach mixed in at him because I know he doesn't wash it as often as he should.
Then there is Ms. Thang next door. Wanna talk about clinically insane? This woman is straight up certifiable! First of all, she is totally nosey. If I have someone come over, she knows all about it. Most of the time before I do. She can give you a perfect description of the person and the vehicle they drive. When I seperated from my husband, she knew he had moved out before we even told anyone we were seperating. The next day she comes over and says, "I see Ricky moved out. I saw him putting a bag and a computer in the car." He moved out at 10pm. Now someone tell me why she knows what he put in his car at 10pm on a Tuesday night. Once the electricity company made an error and disconnected my electricity. (Now I know what ya'll are thinking. But for real...I paid my bill. They tied my service in with my ex sister in law's old apartment and tried to say I owed over $1000. I got that corrected really quickly...) So the Oncor man comes and cuts the electricity off. By the time I made it from my bedroom to the front yard to see what was going on with the lights, she was outside with a piece of paper in her hand that had numbers to some charities that will pay your light bill if you need assistance. And she was standing next to the Oncor man so when I went to ask him what was the problem, she was saying, "Starla, let me help you." I don't need your freaking help lady! At least know what the deal is before you put your nose all up in my business. On second thought, let me find out what the deal is before you put your nose all up in my business!
And she is forever begging. 5 times a day, everyday, there is a knock at the door. And when we open it, there she is, begging. "Starla, do you have any sugar? Starla, do you have any foil? Do you have a cigarette? Do you have any dish soap? Do you have any trash bags? Any eggs? Any milk?" I tell you what...let me give you an inventory of what is in my house so you can come do your shopping right over here. Let me spend my money on things, so that if maybe, just maybe, there is a chance you may possibly need something, it is readily available for you.
And this woman should be dead considering all of the diseases she claims to have. Every time you talk to her she has a new disease. And I am certain she is looking in a medical dictionary to diagnose herself, because they are in alphabetical order. Every month, she moves on to the next letter in the alphabet. So in May she has an eating disorder, eczema, emphysema, and epilepsy, and in June she has Fahr's disease and fibromyalgia. It's totally ridiculous and we absolutely have a blast in our house googling "diseases that start with the letter" such and such just to see if we can guess which disease she will self diagnose herself with next.
And she is nasty. She has 3 dogs in her house and they all sleep in her bed and eat with her. And when I say eat with her, I mean she takes a bite and then all of the dogs take a bite and then she bites it again. She lets them lick all in her mouth and kisses them all inside of their mouths. I mean everyone needs love, but you really don't have to make out with your animals. Isn't that illegal in most states?
So why not curse her out, you ask. Been there and done that. I have called this woman every name in the book and told her all about herself. And you know what she does? She tells me that I crack her up and comes right back over the next day. I have tried not answering the door and that had her peeking in my window to which I called the police and she told me I was wrong for that. I was wrong for reporting a peeping Tom...or in her case a peeking Tabitha. And she then told me she wouldn't have been peeking had I just opened my door when she knocked. WTF? Seriously?
The sad thing is that was just two of my neighbors. I haven't even mentioned Mr. Cockeyed neighbor that hits on me all day and night. Half the time I don't know if he is talking to me or someone across the street because he has an eye going in each direction. Nor have I mentioned Mr. Baby-making Pothead, who lives on the corner across from Mr. Dirty Shirt Hoarder who has 5 kids and chain smokes marijuana like he lives in California. I didn't even get to Mr. Pedophile Preacher Man, that lives on the other side of Ms. Thang next door who claims he is a preacher but tells my 9 year old daughter to call him "uncle". (Yes I have told her many times to stay away from him because he seems like a pedophile to me.) He opens his front door and all you see is a gang of roaches running out of his house like it is even too nasty for them to stay there. These neighbors are a hot mess i tell you and I do everything in my power to sit in my house and not bring any attention to myself for fear that I may have to deal with one of them.
Until I have time to discuss some more hot mess, I bid you farewell...
