Story Time

So today, I wanna tell a little story. Once upon a time there was this girl. We'll call her... Jane. Jane dated a guy that we'll call... John.
So Jane and John were together for several months. But from the time they had just started dating. John wanted to know every step Jane made. If Jane got a phone call, John wanted to know who was calling. If jane went to the store, John wanted a picture of the aisle to prove she was at the store. John made Jane get rid of her friends and her family. He used the excuse that he had "trust issues". He even told her how to spend her own money. Jane did everything John wanted, because she figured if he learned to trust her, he would get better.
Well, let me tell you. It most certainly did not get better. If John called Jane and she was eating, he said it sounded like she was having sex. He started missing work because he thought Jane was cheating all day. He started controlling what Jane could put on social media, and when they went out, Jane couldn't speak to any males and could only discuss certain things with females.
Jane felt like she was losing her identity. She felt like a prisoner in her own home. So she decided that she wouldn't live like this anymore. She told John that this was ridiculous and she wasn't going to put up with this treatment anymore. John agreed and everything seemed good for a couple of days.
So one day, John told Jane he needed to go to the emergency room. He was having breathing problems. Jane took him, and there, she learned that John had taken some drugs to get high and had drank a lot of alcohol. But John had taken too many drugs and drank too much. So he was diagnosed with an overdose. After they left the hospital, Jane expressed her concern for John's self destructive behavior. John agreed and said he was done with the drugs and alcohol.
A few days later, John was high again. Instead of going to work, he stole Jane's car twice in one week to go to a "pay by the hour" motel on the seedy part of town. Jane had to go retrieve her vehicle. Then a couple days later, John overdosed again. John kept saying he was sorry, but Jane had had enough. She asked John to leave. Of course, he didn't leave peacefully.
Jane later found out that John had been previously diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and had been dealing with a drug and alcohol problem for years. Jane felt like she needed some therapy after this volatile relationship. She knew she would never be the same. John, after losing Jane, decided to go to rehab and get better. But he cut Jane completely out of his life. Maybe he was ashamed of his behavior. Or maybe he still felt deep down that Jane drove him to do the things he did because she was untrustworthy.
I tell you this story, because some people will call Jane stupid for not leaving earlier. But I believe God brings people into your life for a reason. Maybe John needed Jane to see that he had a problem. Maybe Jane needed John to show her that she deserves so much better. At the end of the day, if they are both better people, was the relationship so bad?

Foolishness

So today I was thinking about expectations. People expect an explanation about stuff that has nothing to do with them. Folks wanna know why or how my ex husband could take me back after I had a whole relationship with someone else. Besides the fact that I'm me and I'm great, the fact is, he took me back because he loves me. And I make his life better. Just like he makes mine better. We have eight years, two kids, and a lot of love together. So why did we split up in the first place? Well, sometimes you have to lose everything to appreciate it. We had to lose each other for him to be a better husband and for me to be a better wife. No we aren't perfect, but I know for the first time since I met him, that he loves me. Truly loves me all the way down to his soul. And I've always loved him. Despite everything. I never lied to anyone about that. That boy has had my heart since the first day I met him.
The guy I was seeing expects an explanation. So here it is in a nutshell. I didn't leave my husband for him. I left my husband for me. Like I said yesterday, our marriage had gotten to a place where I didn't know if we could fix it. We were still friends, but he was going through something and it made him lose focus. And I was tired. But I digress. I left him for me. I needed better and I deserved better. Dude came through and there was history between us. And at first it was great. The birds were chirping. I'd never heard that before.  But then it got sour. I really don't want to bash him and put his business out there. So let's just say, it went sour. I'm saying all of this to say, I didn't dump dude for my ex husband either. Even though he seems to think that was the case, he knows, deep down that it wasn't.
At the end of the day, I'm happy. My family is back together. My ex husband wants me. He loves me. And I want him. And those who have a problem with that can keep it to themselves.

So it has been a long while since I have written anything. Life happens. But I feel the need to write and get a lot of things off my chest and mind.
First of all, it has taken me a long time to learn to love myself. But I do. I love me and I like me. I'm not perfect, but I'm proud of the woman I am. I'm a good mom and a genuinely nice person. So anyone who feels like I need to change who I am to make them more comfortable, needs to leave my space. Anyone who feels like I need to go back to the person who didn't love me, needs to leave my space. That girl wasn't healthy. This woman is.
I was recently in a situation where someone wanted me to be unhappy to make them happy. It was literally the textbook definition of insecurity. I found myself literally dumbing myself down and putting myself last to put them first. And I was told by someone else yesterday, that sometimes you have to do that to keep a man. Well I say, any man that's not comfortable enough in their own skin to have a confident, self respecting, self sufficient woman, is the one who needs to change and find self love. A man has to be comfortable having a Queen alongside him. Otherwise, he needs to find a servant to walk behind him. Nothing is sexier than someone who is secure. Insecurity is a major turnoff.
I'm also pretty honest. Brutally, in fact. A hard truth is better than a soft lie. So let me tell some truth. I was married to a man who I loved deeply. We had a lot of problems, but we loved each other. Still do, in fact. But at some point, love wasn't enough. I needed more. And someone came into my life promising me all the "more" that I asked for. It was great. It was exciting. So I jumped on it. I got a divorce. I went for my "happily ever after".  And it wasn't what I thought it was. That person was incapable of loving me the way I needed because that person doesn't know how to love. The presentation was beautiful, but the product didn't live up to it. I have no hard feelings about that. I truly believe the intentions were genuine. They were just incapable of delivering what they promised. It happens sometimes.
Throughout all of this, I learned something. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Just because someone offers you a dream, doesn't mean it's not a nightmare. And you shouldn't have to sacrifice your happiness for someone else's happiness. My ex husband never asked me to do that. And through the divorce, and the new relationship, he's been a friend. And when I woke up this morning, he was still here. Knowing what I've been through. Knowing the situation that just occurred. Ready and waiting to start over. Helping me through my tears, but still fighting for his wife. Secure enough to know I needed to work through it. But holding my hand the whole time. And when it was done, he said, "What's done is done. I still love you. Let's start over." If that's not the definition of love, I don't know what is. Sometimes your dream isn't a fairy tale. But it's still a good dream.